Jealousy is a very bad thing.

No rating, but you read on your own risk. Please leave feedback :)

ALL IN YOUR MIND

It was a Saturday night. I was stood on the bathroom getting dressed. I was going out with the guys this night, seeing as it had been a while since the last time I was out on the town with them. My band had recently had two whole months off, which had been a great relief for all of us. We needed space, relaxing and time with our families, our respective girlfriends and ourselves.

As I pulled my tie off the doorbell rang. I cursed as the knot on my tie loosened. I have never been very good at tying knots. I stumbled out through the door with the jeans down my ankles, hoping it was only one of my mates or my sister. I opened the door and was met by my girlfriend’s smiling face. She was all dressed up, God knows for what, but I kissed her anyway and invited her in. “Are you going out somewhere?” I asked her as she was stood inside and I closed the door. She kept staring at the pants on my ankles so I smiled sheepishly and pulled them back up, forgetting about the loose tie around my neck for a few seconds. “I thought we could go out tonight,” replied. I walked back to the bathroom and tried to sort my tie out. She followed me and surveyed me. “I’m going out with the guys,” I said as a late reply to her question, well, I’m not even sure if it was a question. “Here, let me,” she said and walked up to me, undoing the knot entirely so that she could do it all over. “Out with the guys? You’re with them all the time,” she stated. “I’m not,” I said as I started doing my hair. “You’re not? You’re in a band with them. You’re with them all the time!” She had started to let her temper take over. I hid a sigh and turned to her. I cupped her chin in my hands and kissed her lips lightly. “I’ve just had a month off that I spent entirely with you. And besides I’ve already promised to come with them”. She pulled away. “You don’t want to have me near,” she sneered, overreacting like usual. I could no longer hide my irritation. “You’re making problems that aren’t even there!” I exclaimed, turning back to the mirror. stormed out.

I didn’t care about trying to make things straight with her, so I met up with the guys as planned. “ , dude!” greeted and gave me a hug. toasted and went to the bathroom. “You look tired,” commented as I sat down where had sat, closest to the bar. “Beer?” asked. I nodded and turned back to . “It’s ,” I explained. He nodded. He knew was the jealous type. came back with my beer and started whining about some fittie on the dance floor. “Go and pull her then,” said, rolling his eyes at his immaturity. “I think I might. I feel rather awesome tonight,” said confidently and walked away. “So, what’s wrong with this time?” continued. I didn’t reply at once, I just rubbed my neck thoughtfully with my right hand. “She came around and said she was going out with me tonight. It wasn’t even a question, it was just: I thought we could go out tonight. When I told her I was going out with you guys she instantly thought that it was because I didn’t want her around. It wears me out.” looked puzzled. He had never loved a woman that was of the over-the-top-jealous-type. A bit of jealousy was expected, but really was over the top. “I don’t know what I can say as advice, . This is just out of hand.” came back and took a seat next to . “What are we talking about?” he asked cheerily and took another sip of his beer. “ on the dance floor,” said directly to while he blinked at me and I looked thankfully back at him. I was out to have fun, not to worry about my fine but jealous girlfriend.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I had kind of expected to show up at the club some time during the night. She knew this was my favourite, and being she would probably come to check up on me. Knowing this, it didn’t come as a surprise when she appeared in the doorway with two friends. My heart sank. I was at this time stood talking with a girl who had asked for an autograph and that was all. She had just told me that ‘Walk In The Sun’ was her favourite song. I knew would take this the wrong way, so I excused myself and said to the girl that I had to get back to the others but that it was nice to have met her. Right enough. walked up to me with steady steps. “Who was she?” she demanded to know. I bent down and kissed her cheek, but it didn’t have any effect at all. She looked just as pissed as she had done the minute I saw her in the doorway. “She was a fan. She told me her favourite song was ‘Walk In The Sun’, isn’t that awesome?” I’m really sorry for the lack of confident to stand up for myself, but I knew it wouldn’t help with , and no matter how irritating she could be, I still loved her more than I had never thought I was able to love someone. “Yeah, right,” was ’s answer. She waited for a reply from my behalf, but when it didn’t come, she continued: “Why would you rather be here talking with all these slutty chicks when you could be with me? Am I that bad? Don’t I look good enough in your eyes?” I sighed and pushed her towards the door. “What is it that you think of me?” I asked her when we came out where it was easier to hear each other. “I think that you’re not satisfied being stuck with you!” exclaimed. My temper rose, but I managed to keep it under control. “I’m not ‘stuck with you’. I’m with you because I love you and want to be with you. You react this way because you think that I’m gonna fool around with every single female in this town, and I won’t. I’m not that kind of guy!” ’s expression showed surprise. It was a fake surprise though. She didn’t believe me. It made me wanna shout. “I’m going back inside,” I told her and left her outside. I was tired of having to prove myself worthy of her for every occasion when all she ever did was to believe the worst of me.

She didn’t bother me more that night, but I knew this had only been the beginning.

I didn’t hear from her in three days, and I feared that she might have broken up with me without telling again. Yes, again. During our worst ‘fights’ she always ended up breaking up with me, only to find out she still loves me and wants to be with me. And when she does, we’re just together again, without words. I know it’s abuse in a way, but I can’t help but to stay.

I called her, and when she picked up it sounded like everything was good again. She promised to come over and see me later that very day. I did my very best to make everything look good before she came, but when she finally arrived I understood that it had been a complete waste of time. The first thing she did was to bring up the night before: “I come around, thinking that maybe we can spend some time together even if you’re with the guys, and the first thing I see after entering is you with another girl. How do you think that makes me feel? You would rather go out with your buddies for a beer and chase woman instead of being with me! And when I don’t call or contact you, you suddenly call and expect everything to be all right? You know what I mean?” She paralysed me. I wondered how the hell she could look so incredibly good while doing this to me. Why did I keep letting her? What would it take for her to just realise that I wasn’t like she believed I was? “It’s not like I don’t want to be with you. It doesn’t make any sense! We both need special time with our friends. I let you do whatever you want to do, and I expect to have the same liberty too.” I knew she behaved like this because she is insecure, but I really wish I had a cure. She was just stood surveying me. “Don’t you love me?” she asked hurt. She really didn’t understand. “I do, but that has nothing to do with it. Can’t you see that there’s something wrong with the picture? I talked to a fan yesterday, ! She was a F-A-N! You won’t even let me play in my band!” glared at me with eyes filled of anger and walked out without offering me a second look. It seems my life is turning into a bad dream. My frustration makes me wanna scream.

The next time I saw her she pretended not to see me. It made me hurt and angry at the same time. I loved her; I wanted to be with her… I walked up to her and said hello. She said hello in a sweet way that made me think we were back together again. I didn’t dare to kiss her though. “How are you, ?” she asked me. “I’m all right I guess. I miss you though,” I replied honestly. She became quiet and stared at her own shoes. “You want to give it another try?” I asked, realising it was the first time since we got together that I actually had to ask for another chance. It didn’t give me anything. “Do you think it’s such a good idea?” asked, looking me straight in the eyes. As I stared into them I replied sheepishly: “I love you. You’re a part of me.”

Two months later appeared in our wardrobe at a concert in Manchester. She smiled and threw her arms around me as I picked her up to whirl her around. Being out on tour I hadn’t been able to see her for a month and a half. “DANNY!” she shrieked happily as I let her down, kissing her lips passionately. When she pulled away she was still smiling. I have always loved her smile. When she smile she doesn’t just smile, she smiles with her whole face. What I loved the most was the way her eyes glowed when she was happy and smiled. I just stood there smiling back at her, until…

Her happy expression and smile faded and her eyes filled with tears. “ , what’s wrong? Sweetie?” She turned on her heels and walked away in a rush. I turned around to see if I could catch a glimpse on what had made the sudden change of her mood. I ran after her and caught her just as she was about to leave the backstage area. “What’s wrong now? What did I do?” She kept staring at a point behind my back. I cupped her chin in my hands and locked eyes with her. “How many times do I have to tell you that I ain’t the cheating kind?” Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath. When she yet again opened them she asked me politely to let her go, which I did, and then she walked off. Behind me one of the make-up artists came walking towards me, smiling. She was almost as tall as me, had long deep red hair and piercing green eyes. She also had the body of a model, but she had never been my type. I understood what had thought of the situation when the make-up artist came out in a small amount of clothes. I screamed after : “CAN’T YOU SEE THIS SO-CALLED INFIDELITY IS ALL IN YOUR MIND?” No reply. If only had known that the make-up artist had a relationship with …